Trust

The last few months have been pretty stressful. I've moved house and started uni. Nan is still hanging on to life and Dad is struggling a lot which is hard on Mum too. Financially, things have been really tight. The rest of the time I have been basically been doing general life admin or trying to sleep (although the sleep has often been unsuccessful). I have had a fairly massive fight with a close friend as well, and I have been very anxious about that, particularly because it doesn't only affect me, but other friends as well. And in the midst of all this, here I was, trying to carry the whole lot, thinking that I needed to plan out my future, do everything for my family myself, fix everyone else's problems as well as my own, somehow find or steal a million dollars, and generally make everything about me.

And so I've come to a crossroads now. With all those burdens, there's no way in the world I would ever be able to manage - worrying about everything was getting me absolutely nowhere. This past week has been a big step for me as I have sought to give all my troubles to God. I have had to repent of the things I have been doing that were, frankly, really ungodly and unbecoming of someone who claims to know Jesus. I feel so much lighter. Of course, I still worry, I still have things I am anxious about, but I am actively trying to trust God with everything that I have knowing that he will look after me, that he will provide me with all I need for a life of love and good works that he has prepared for me. Sure, sometimes I won't get what I want or what I was expecting, but I have to keep trusting that God has it all in his hands, and I have to stop trying to control everything and take it all on myself. Jesus is my King as well as my Saviour, and I need to stop stealing his crown. I may have lost this friend of mine forever, I may be struggling financially for a long time to come, my internship for 2010 may fall through, I may not be able to handle my course load at uni, I may not be able to get to Cowra to look after my Dad so Mum can visit Nan, I might never sleep as much as I really need, and certainly I will continue to stuff up... but it will be ok, because God will not let me go, nor will he abandon me as a hopeless cause. That is so comforting for me - God is in control of everything, and that's all that matters whatever situation I find myself in. I am so thankful for that, and for the brothers and sisters who continue to remind me of that truth.